I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
