I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
Randomize
