I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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