You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
