Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
