Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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