The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
