I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
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