Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I want her autograph on my taint
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
