last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
