since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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