garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Randomize
