We won't sleep together?
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
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