he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Randomize
