Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
