i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
