I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
