He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
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