imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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