Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
