omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I FOUND THE LEGS
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Randomize
