Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Ambien. No doubt about it.
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Randomize
