Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
