hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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