i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
