Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(630): View more from Illinois

If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.

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(804): View more from Virginia

ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"

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(610): View more from Pennsylvania

his penis was the training wheels of my sex life

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(810): View more from Michigan

Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words

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(416): View more from Toronto

He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.

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(314): View more from Missouri

I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.

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(978): View more from Massachusetts

we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them

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(404): View more from Georgia

I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.

(910): View more from North Carolina

That's what you say about everyone.

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(585): View more from New York

When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room

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