But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
