my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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