And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
