Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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