Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
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