I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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