She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
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