He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
