I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
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