I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Randomize
