I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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