So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Randomize
