I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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