Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
