I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
We talked him into tasing himself.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
