I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
