EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Randomize
