I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
