the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
