You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
