Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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