Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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