Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
