Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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