i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
